Grasping At Straws

by Ember After

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1.
04:00
That which we envision To be Damascus steel Given one hard blow Fragile as porcelain Everyone we dearly need To remain right by our side Hanging by a slender thread One desperate beat from the end Everything that we conceive We understand we believe One sharp shock from deepest doubt Our temple walls come crumbling down We insist we see it there Our eyes do not deceive We close our eyes it disappears Left with nothing but our fears Life colors our world the deepest shade of black What can we do to make our world a lighter shade of blue Cling to hope Cling to tears Cling to greed Cling to fear Cling to now Cling to then Cling to God Cling to the end Cling to friends Cling to pain Cling to joy Cling to anything to feel again Anything to save us from ourselves What can we do to make our world a lighter shade of blue?
2.
03:00
When I was a young boy I felt so very old Now that I’m older I’m trying to hang on to my youth Every time I reminisce I see a boy I’d rather forget I’m left yearning for a past A past I never had I am lost Always wanting to fit in To a world I despise Always trying to belong Then disowning what I see Looking for a place to hide But hoping I’ll be found Looking for a way inside While trying to get out I am lost Can you see me? I am lost Can you help me? I feel lost Can you find me? I am lost Can you see me? I am lost…
3.
04:24
(lyrics for this Black Sabbath classic are all over the Interwebs)
4.
5.
03:22
I need in concrete I want in plastic I dream in colors None of which you know Society demands Docile thoughtless little drones I’ll portray what they expect to see Always know it’s not me I’ll be The Faker Pretend I share their world I’ll be The Faker Theirs is not my world This homogeneity Makes me sick inside Everything glistens Like lemmings packed in metal boxes Always do what we’re told Claw for scraps sell our soul Cling to hate to fight despair Soak in disgust to feel at all… I’ll be The Faker Pretend I share their world I’ll be The Faker Theirs is not my world I reject their world I reject their demands I reject their drudgery I will keep myself… I’ll be The Faker…
6.
This business about open-mindedness is nonsense! (They were being swindled-- All of them)
7.
06:35
Creeping out the back door Of the five story glass prison —lunch in a paper bag— Walks across the concrete To take refuge from his Meager cubicle Inside his Subaru As he locks himself in He turns to see a pensive lady Hiding in her Camaro Staring disaffectedly Lips curled and forlorn —Soft, moist lips— And he knows how she feels Could tell her how she feels But he’s twenty feet And three Wheeled iron cages away How did we come to this? So near yet so alone We can almost reach out And touch each other But we’re a universe away All that we have built Demolishes connection Even as we stand close It’s not that easy to feel our souls Through all this Metal and Machinery… He longs to brave the distance Knock on her window Admit he is afraid Admit he is alone It’s not too far… He does not have long It’s not too far… Before he has to leave It’s not too far… His cold comfort And return to his isolated cube It’s not too far… He can almost touch her He can almost touch her… But she’s twenty feet And three Wheeled iron cages away… Twenty feet And three Wheeled iron cages away… It’s not too far…
8.
03:16
I'm going to hell again Not waiting for a friend I'm going to hell again I've found a means to an end All I have found is pain Why wait for it again They’ve pushed me down so far Won't try to rise anymore I'll make my own place Here in this darkest space All that I'm left is decay So in decay I'll stay I'll make the gloom my paradise I'll make the darkness my paradise You can't touch me here In my paradise...
9.
06:03
Late at night When the demons come How can I tell Here from gone? From an empty place A charcoal veil Where all my colors Have run… Did I fail When it came to shove? Did apathy Cloud my resolve? Am I not Who they think I am? Or am I too Disconnected? Am I too disconnected? Distant and self-protected? Can I be reconnected? Feel human, self-respected… Sometimes I need absolution Just a shred of dispensation Can you see me as who I wish I were And who I still want to be… Late at night When the demons come I see myself As someone else I watch him move Watch him from nowhere Cold as the wind I watch him fall… Am I too disconnected?
10.
Have you found anything sacred? Have you found anything pure? I’ve been swallowed up by compromises Failed enterprises I can’t see past the next disappointment Anymore Can’t feel past the self-loathing Anymore I still believe in God But does God believe in me? I still believe in love But how can I love anyone If I only feel right When I hurt? A symphony of disillusion Begs my final curtain call My reasons for persisting Wearing thin Deep inside know I don’t want to end the show But I know I can’t go on in this role I still believe in God But does God believe in me? I still believe in love But how can I love anyone If I only feel right When I hurt? So have you found anything sacred? Have you found anything pure? Something I can grasp at I’m running out of straws I’m running out of time You see I still believe in God I still believe in love Can you believe in me? Will you believe in me?
11.
07:07
I’m a link in a chain From before Moses walked I’m a link in a chain From a time before the cross Others take their strength from the chain But I cannot feel how How can I keep myself? And still remain a link in the chain? Have others also felt this black? Perhaps despised their very part? Does that validate my doubt? Did they find...what did they find? Every weak link Can bring down a chain.... Every weak link Can bring down a chain.... Deep inside I cannot hide Deep inside I still believe I still believe I’m not even sure what it means To be a link in this chain And I can’t say I like All that I have found But I do know one thing: Even if I never know the truth I’m a link in a chain Even when I fear I am nothing at all Even when I fear I’m nothing at all…
12.
13.
14.
Strip away the failures Strip away the broken dreams Strip away the empty bodies Strip away what might have been And only you remain Strip away the fear and doubt Strip away the expectations Strip away the cold wind blowing Strip away the endless waiting And only you remain Strip away the growing darkness Strip away the gloom inside Strip away the desolation Strip away all that chains me… And only you remain Only you
15.
07:38
Clock is ticking, clock is ticking—time drips so slowly Dissatisfaction turns to disaffection turns to madness Hoping something extraordinary will somehow happen Wondering if anything will ever change But change only comes to those who bring it Change doesn’t happen on its own Change is only found by those who seek it out Not those listlessly waiting around The mirror reflects someone I often dislike And who often dislikes me I look around me and see nothing to move me I look around me and see nothing move But change only comes to those who bring it Change doesn’t happen on its own Change is only found by those who seek it out Not those listlessly waiting around I can’t count how many times I’d rather let the world turn Then participate in a life that so often leaves me dazed When I think on it I know that things Have not always been this way And I remind myself they need not always be If I remember to not give up…
16.

about

Burning hard and heavy through a dark mechanized landscape, Grasping At Straws by Ember After throws its light upon hypocrisy using thoughtful words served up with heavy beats, grinding guitars, soaring male and female vocals, and menacing electro-mechanical atmospherics.

credits

released October 8, 2007

Produced by Orren Merton and Don Gunn
Mixed by Don Gunn (www.dongunn.com)
* Mixed by Orren Merton
** Mixed by Eldad Guetta
Mastered at Panic Studios by John McCaig (www.panicstudios.com)

Recorded in:
Orange County, California, USA
Seattle, Washington, USA
Baton Rouge, Louisiana, USA
Tel Aviv, Israel
London, England

Music and lyrics written by Orren Merton
(except Paranoid by Iommi, Ward, Buttler, Osborne)

All songs © O My Aching Soul Music (ASCAP) except
Paranoid © TRO-Andover Music, Inc. (ASCAP)
This recording p © 2007 Darkling Ventures

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Ember After California

Do you like your misery served up with electronic pulses and heavy guitars? Good news! Ember After is the brainchild of singer/songwriter Orren Merton and collaborators from the embers from other indie, metal, rock, goth, industrial, and experimental bands. Ember After firmly stakes out dark, heavy, electro-drenched territory. ... more

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